HUSBAND EXPLAINS WHAT MAKEUP IS
H: How do you reckon you’ll do today?
C: I feel like I’ve learnt a lot over the past few months. Although I can’t promise I’ll actually know much. I suppose that’s the point.
C: Erm, highlighter… is that, mmm, is that the one that goes around the eyes? No, that’s eyeshadow. Um, you use it to highlight your features.
C: You put it on before the bottom layer thing.
C: You put it on as the bottom layer! It matches your skin tone.
H: Ah, so that’s what you meant by bottom layer.
C: Used for hiding spots and blemishes.
H: So where would I put it on my face usually?
C: A spot. Or… blemish.
C: Hmm. I guess it does what it says on the tin. Corrects colour!
H: Where? What colour?
C: Your hair. Is hair included in this?
C: Not a clue.
C: A powder. It’s a powder that you put on the surface of everything else to make it translucent. To assist in the… translucency.
H: You started off well.
C: Like a hairgel for your eyebrows. Give them a wacky ‘do.
C: When you have no eyebrows because you shaved them off or plucked them out, so you draw them on to get the desired shape and definition. And thickness.
H: Well, I guess.
C: Erm, for your cheeks. Makes it look like you’re blushing. Bit of colour!
C: I feel like it gives you a little bit of a tan. Puts a bronze colour all over.
C: Puts colour around your eyes.
C: Put it on your eyelashes for volume. For a MaxFactor look.
C: Drawing on your eyes, like you used to with your points!
C: Yeah. Gives your eyes shape, I dunno.
C: Colouring in your lips.
C: Baby it’s Babylline. Bottom Base Cream. I don’t know. We’ve already had bottom base cream.
H: What do you think it stands for?
C: No idea. Best base. Biscuit base!
C: Gives you moisturised skin and also affects the tone of your skin. Like the one earlier. Foundation.
C: Makes the makeup set, you put it on at the end to make it all set, like people used to do with hairspray. But it’s not hairspray.
C: It’s like shiny, or something along those lines. Smooth and shiny.
C: Kind of like, not shiny. Like, dull, but… I’m gonna leave it at that. A dull butt.
C: It’ll get a nice reflection of a light source, like a shimmering sea on your face.
H: That’s beautiful.
C: Just sparkles on your face, isn’t it?
C: Bake your face? Like a cake? So you cake it all on. Grab a shovel and shovel it all on.
C: Where you’ve got different… you know when you’ve got your blush on? So you like, blend out the edges. So it’s not just two red dots in the middle of your face.
C: Around the mouth. Creases in your cheeks.
C: Contour…? It’s like, to do with mountains, right?
C: You’re drawing lines of mountains. I dunno what contouring is.
C: It’s got colour, like the pigment in your skin.
H: What specifically about the colour?
C: It has it.
C: Steep. It’s steep. Like a sheer drop.
C: The smooth bit where a moustache grows.
C: It needs heating up, it’s too cold on your face.
H: Not cold, Kohl.
H: Never mind. How do you think you did today?
C: I aced it.
H: Why do you think that?
C: I knew it all before you. I used to wear it quite a bit.
C: Don’t put that in.