The irony is not lost on me that I have had to put off writing this post for five days. Blogging, despite being my original passion, has taken somewhat of a back seat recently, coming in second to my YouTube channels where my working day is concerned. When you break my day down, I definitely have enough hours to get everything done. So why do I never have enough time to blog?
I’m a procrastinator – I always have been. I leave everything to the last minute, convincing myself that my best work is done under pressure. Sometimes I’m right; I’ve churned out some awesome pieces of writing the night before a deadline. However, blog writing is different – photographs have to be taken and edited and posts have to be planned out and have an actual purpose. Even if I end up procrastinating until the last minute, photographs have to be taken in good lighting and so I end up having to wait until the next day to hit Publish.
It doesn’t help that I’m not a photographer. Believe me, I’ve tried. I try so hard to get beautiful flatlays and cute ‘plandid’ shots (planned-yet-candid) like other bloggers, but none of my photographs look good. Some of that is to do with my props – I don’t have much of an income so have to use the things I already own – and some of that is due to setting (my house isn’t exactly blogger-friendly). Most of it is just because I’m not very good at photography. I’ve read countless blog posts and even taken online courses in photography but I think it’s just one of those things I’ll never be any good at.
Since migrating from wordpress dot com to a self-hosted platform, my views have avalanched. I haven’t got even one new follower since late December, which is when I migrated. I’ve been on 1201 followers since before the migration. I’m not sure why this is, but it’s breaking my heart and makes me feel like there’s no point in creating content any more – I’ve sunk a lot of my own money into the migration but it has yet to pay off. I have a DA of 1(!!) and I hardly get interaction at all. Even on Bloglovin’, which is somewhat easier to follow blogs on, I have 12 followers. Out of all of my blog posts published on there, I have 3 reads. THREE.
So is it any wonder that I’m not feeling the love with my blog at the moment? I enjoy writing; it’s what I’ve always loved to do. I wanted to make this my career and I have no desire to get a ‘real job’ – this is my real job. Or I’m treating it as such. I’ve put in 60 hours of work a week into blogging and my YouTube videos. Perhaps now is the time to be realistic and admit that whilst this is what I’ve worked so hard on since 2016, maybe I’m just not good enough.